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Sunday, March 26, 2006

Words Regularly Use By Women

A Woman’s Vocabulary, Keywords and Meanings (as taken from an interview with a woman) - ooh... it's almost true... So guys... Make sure you understand this well yea??

This is the word we use at the end of any argument in which we feel we are right, but need to shut you up. NEVER use ‘Fine’ to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don’t care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". 

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a "Go ahead," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That’s Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before visiting on you major retribution and tribulations for what ever it is that you have done. "That’s Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a "That’s Okay".

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Monday, March 20, 2006

Slogans for Women’s T-shirts

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.

2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.

3. If they don’t have chocolate in heaven, I ain’t going.

4. At my age, I’ve seen it all, done it all, heard it all…I just can’t remember it all.

5. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

8. Don’t treat me any differently than you would the Queen.

9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

10. Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

11. It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.

12. I’m out of estrogen-and I have a gun.

13. Guys have feelings too. But like…who cares?

14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

15. I hate everybody…and you’re next.

16. And your point is…?

17. I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.

18. Warning! I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

19. Of course I don’t look busy…I did it right the first time.

20. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

21. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

22. All stressed out and no one to choke.

23. I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

24. How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

25. Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

26. If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

27. Don’t upset me! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.


The colored ones are my favourites!!! hahahaha

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Men are like…

You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

You can’t believe a word they say.

Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.

Curling Irons.
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.

Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.

They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Gender Items

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female… Ha! You thought I’d say male. But consider it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.