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Monday, November 28, 2005

Industrial Training

Kepada sumer rakan2 yang telah berjaya menempuh cabaran anda pada hari ini diucapkan tahniah bebanyak yee.. kepada yang tak berjaya, jangan risau… kita ada lagi 5 bulan untuk menempuhnya… hehehe… ya.. itulah dia cabaran berLATIHAN INDUSTRI yang telah ditetapkan oleh pihak KUTKM… hehehe.. starting from today 28/11/2005 sehinggalah ke 14/04/2006… lama kan?? hehehe busan?? boring?? geram?? marah?? rindu?? ..erk kepada couple2 yang berjauhan, diharap bersabar lah ye. nanti masuk kolej balik jumpa lah pulak… bythe way, all the best kepada anda sumer dan jangan lupa wat report ye… jangan lupa lawat laks.. dapatkan informasi dari sana.. tatata

Friday, November 11, 2005

How attractive are you???

How attractive r u?!

Hey, try it out and see how attractive you can be to the opposite sex.

1. Which place do u want to have a travel most?
A. Beijing …………………………………go to q.2
B. Tokyo …………………………………go to q.3
C. Paris   …………………………………..go to q.4

2. Have you ever cried when u see a touching movie?
A. Yes………………………………..go to q.4
B. No………………………………….go to q.3

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend still has not come after an hour of your date with him/her, what will you do?
A. wait for another 30 mins……………..go to q.4
B. leave immediately…………………….go to q.5
C. wait until he/she comes………………go to q.6

4. Do u like to go to see a movie alone?
A. Yes………………………………..go to q.5
B. No………………………………….go to q.6

5. When he/she asks for a kiss in your first date, what will you do?
A. Refuse……………………………..go to q.6
B. light kiss on his/her forehand………..go to q.7
C. Agree and kiss him/her……………….go to q.8

6. Are you a humorous person?
A. I think I am………………………..go to q.7
B. I think I am not…………………….go to q.8

7. Do you think you are a capable leader?
A. Yes………………………………..go to q.9
B. No…………………………………go to q.10

8. Which gender will you choose to be born if you are given a chance?
A. Male……………………………….go to q.9
B. Female……………………………..go to q.10
C. I don’t mind………………………..Type D (go straight to results below)

9. Have you ever got more than one boyfriends or girlfriends at a time
A.Yes………………………………..Type B (go straight to results below)
B. No…………………………………Type A (go straight to results below)

10. Do you think you are intelligent?
A. Yes………………………………..Type B (go straight to results below)
B. No…………………………………Type C (go straight to results below)

Type A
Congratulations! You can extremely attract the opposite sex! You possess a charming beauty in the eyes of them. You not only have a pretty figure, but also have a humorous and gentle personality. You should be a literate person and know how to get along with people and can allocate your time well, thus you are always popular among the opposite sex.

Type B
Quite good! You can easily attract the opposite sex, but you will not easily into the loving trap. Your humor makes them want to get along with you. He/She will be happy being with you!

Type C
Not bad! You cannot attract the opposite sex very well, but you still have something good which make them like to get along with you. You should be an honest person and have a unique view in seeing things. You are quite friendly in the eyes of your friends.

Type D
Oh! You do not attract the opposite sex. You do not have much knowledge, and not much intrinsic humane values. You are too rude to the opposite sex. Thus you are not very popular among them.

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes. Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.

I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew s body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got something to tell you, I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? . I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! .

At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could  hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didnt want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn t tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.

Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.
I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn’t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won’t divorce. I am serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite.

The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote,

"I ll carry you out every morning until we are old."

Lagu Untuk Aina

DALAM hidup ini tiada apa yg aku cari melainkan ketenangan dan kebahagiaan. Aku bahagia melihat dia gembira, aku senang hati melihat dia ketawa. Bagiku, dia umpama sejalur cahaya dalam hidupku. Insan yang lebih mengenal diriku daripada aku sendiri. Insane yg byk mengajar aku ttg ketabahan & keinsafan. Namun tidak aku sedari, aku sendiri yg membunuh kebahagiaan itu.

Dia seorg yg periang namun mudah merajuk. Mudah pula dipujuk. Gadisku Aina seorg yg manja. Aku senang sekali dgn sifatnya itu w/pun kadang2 perangainya tidak ubah seperti anak kecil. Hatinya mudah tersentuh. Jiwanya terlampau halus tp yg pasti aku amat menyayanginya. Hanya kuasa Tuhan shj yg mampu menghalang perhubungan kami.
Aku sering tewas dengan renungan matanya, redup. Penuh dengan keharmonian dan bagaikan terkandung seribu pengertian. Aku tahu harapannya padaku setinggi awan. Sering Aina mempersoalkan tentang hatiku

Ahh, Aina! Andai masa itu dpt kuputar kembali, tiada apa yg mahu aku lakukan selain dari membetulkan kesilapanku dan menghabiskan setiap waktu yg berdetik melayan apa shj kerenahmu.

“Abang…” Sejuk hatiku mendengar suara manjanya.

“Ada apa?”

“Aina nak Tanya satu soalan. Senang aje soalan ni. Tak payah baca buku pun boleh jawab. Emm..abg sayang Aina tak?”

“Adalah sikit-sikit.” Masih terbayang wajahnya yg separuh terkejut. Tiada lg senyuman di bibirnya. Dia hanya tunduk memandang tanah. Aku tergelak kecil. Sensitive betul gadisku ini.

“Hey, come on. Mestilah abg sayang Aina. Abg sayang banyak-banyak tau. Bukan sikit-sikit je. Ok, puas hati? Hai…takkan usik sikit pun dah merajuk.”

Aina masih membisu

“Aina, abang kira sampai tiga. Aina kena senyum balik. Kalau tidak abang picit hidung. Satu…dua,”

“Aina saja nak Tanya.” Ujarnya sambil ketawa kembali. Saat ini aku rasa bahagia akan terus menjadi milikku.

Aina cukup memahami aku. Cukup sabar dgn perangaiku. W/pun kadang-kadang aku tidak berlaku adil kepadanya. Memang aku akui, dialah permata nilamku, di dalam dirinya nadiku berdenyut. Aku dan Aina saling menyayangi. Aku percaya dia tidak akan mengecewakanku tapi aku silap kerana membiarkan dia terus mempercayai kejujuranku yang tiada benarnya.
DALAM diam aku menabur janji kepada insane sejenisnya. W/pun aku hanya sekadar mahu mengisi masa luangku, secara tidak langsung aku mengguris hati seorg perempuan  yg byk berkorban untukku. Tapi ketika itu aku tidak pernah sedar!.

“Woi Hisyam, call untuk kau.” Laung teman serumahku. Tentu Nelly, dia yg berjanji hendak menghubungiku.

“Hello Nelly…” Suaraku sebaik shj mencapai gagang telefon. Namun tiada suara yang menjawab.”Nelly kan tu…”

“Maaf saya salah nombor.” Klik! Gagang telefon diletakkan. Hanya Tuhan shj yg tahu betapa jantungku berdenyut kencang sewaktu mendengar suara kepunyaan Aina. Bukannya Nelli! Tak dpt aku bayangkan perasaan Aina ketika itu.

“Aina, abang gurau je malam tu. Abg tau Aina yg call.” Lancar lidahku melafazkanpenipuan.

“Aina, say something please, jgn buat abg mcm ni.” Aku separuh merayu. Yang terdengar hanya esak tangisnya. Remukkah hatinya?

“Sayang, I’m sorry ok. Abg nak menyakat aje.” Oh tuhan, apa yg tlh aku lakukan? Biarlah aku terus menipu. Asalkan hatinya tidak remuk. Aku tak sanggup mendengar tangisannya lagi. Benar-benar aku rasa serba salah.

“Betul ni abang main-main aje?”

“Betul…abg mana ada org lain. Aina Sophea aje yg abg sayang.” Huhh..mudah sungguh aku mendustai kepercayaannya. Andai masa itu milikku.

“Aina nak dengar satu lagu tak? Abg buat khas utk Aina tau.” Ujarku suatu hari.

“Betul ke? Bestnya…nyanyilah bang.” Tergambar kegembiraan di wajahnya yang putih bersih itu.

“tapi abg tak pandai nyanyi. Nanti abg suruh kawan abg nyanyi ok.”

AINA mula menarik muka masam. Dan demi menjaga hatinya, lagu untuk Aina aku nyanyikan. Biar tidak semerdu mana, ia lahir tulus ikhlad dari hatiku. Menjadi bukti bahawa kasih sayangku bukan mainan. Danpetang itu sebaik shj lagu itu habis kunyanyikan, Aina memelukku erat. Esakannya memeranjatkan aku.

“kenapa ni? Did I say something wrong?” Soalku lembut. Aina menggelengkan kepalanya. Kusapu airmata yg membasahi pipinya.

“lagu tu untuk Aina ke?” Soalnya dalam sedu.

“Oklah abang tahu I’m not a good composer tapi nanti abg buat lagu yg lagi best ok.”

“Bukan sebab tu, Aina suka lagu tu. Thanks a lot. Aina terharu.” Dan kata-kata seterusnya hilang dalam sedunya.

“Aina, kat kolej abg kan ada one girl ni tau, lawa sgt. We all try tackle dia. And guess what? Dia respond abg…”

Mmg aku sentiasa mengukir suasana tegang. Kenapa aku tak pernah mahu mengambil berat ttg hatinya? W/pun sekadar mengusik. Andai waktu itu milikku.

“Yelah…nak menyakat org pun janganlah sampai mcm ni. Kalau everyday abg buat mcm ni, abg ingat Aina tak terasa ke?”. Tapi aku tak pernah serik. Sekurang-kurangnya aku tahu dia cemburu. Bukankah cemburu itu tandanya sayang?. Cuma yang aku tak tahu betapa hatinya sering terguris.

“Aina, apa kata kita break dulu. I mean just a sgort break.”

“Kenapa? Apa salah Aina abg?”

“Abg ada masalah ni. Jgnlah nak tambahkan masalah abg.

“Tapi abg jadikan perhbgn kita ni sebagai mangsa. Kita still lagi boleh go on macam biasa. Don’t do this to me, bang.” Suaranya separuh merayu. Penuh ketakutan dan persoalan.

Sedangkan aku berasa megah berjaya membuatkan org kecewa.

“No…nanti bila-bila abg dah sedia, abg contact Aina.” Namun tak sampai bbrp hari, hatiku mula jadi tak tentu arah. Mana mungkin aku berpisah dengan Aina Sophea. Tanpanya hariku menjadi mendung. Senyumku tak mahu menjengah. Apa yang aku buat serba tak kena. Baru terbayang kesalahanku.

“Promise ma, abg takkan buat mcm tu lagi…”

“Ok, abg promise. So, will you forgive me my princess?” Bertuahnya aku mempunyai seorg Aina yang pemaaf. Sejak itu aku sedar aku tidak sanggup berpisah dengan Aina Sophea.
TIDAK dpt aku bayangkan hidup ini tanpa senyumannya. Tanpa ketawa dan tangisnya. Tanpa kehadirannya. Aina rela hatinya disakiti kerana sayangnya pada aku. Cuma aku yg selalu mengambil kesempatan di atas kelemahannya.

Cita-cita kami tinggi. Mungkin dianggap angan-angan bagi sesetgh pihak. Tapi aku tidak peduli. Aku mahu hubungan kami tidak berhenti di sini sahaja. Aku mahukan anak-anak yang manja sepertinya, anak-anak yang boleh membuatkan aku hidup seperti Aina menceriakan hidupku selama ini. Aku mahu mempunyai keluarga bahagia dgn Aina sebagai permaisuriku.

“Aina, dua tahun lagi abg habis belajar. Lepas tu abg terus masuk meminang. A year lepas tu kita kahwin, ok.” Aina hanyaketawa.

“Abg ni banyak beranganlah.”

“Aikk! Kenapa, Aina tak nak kahwin dgn abg ke?” Dan dia hanya tersipu malu.

“Abg, nanti kita bawa anak-anak kita jalan-jalan. Sure seronokkan ada keluarga sendiri.”

“Aikk, dah sampai situ pula ke. Tadi  bukan main lagi.” Usikku.

“Aina, abg nak anak sepuluh org tau.”

“Hei, ramainya. Tak naklah ramai sangat. Nanti dah tak romantiklah.”

“Kalau mcm tu kita tak payah ada anaklah. Duduk dua org je sampai bila-bila. Romantic tak?” dan kata-kataku dibalas dgn cubitan di peha.

“Nanti, kita honeymoon dekat…mana ye? Erm..Aina nak pergi mana? London? Paris? Venice?”

Semua angan-angan yang aku harapkan menjadi kenyataan. Setiap saat bersamanya amat ku nantikan. Bila rindu mula menyapa. Aku menjadi semakin parah, hampir sasau aku dibuatnya. Ada kalanya Aina kuat merengek. Kalau setakat nak aiskrim atau kandi, boleh lagi aku tunaikan. Tapi kadang-kadang tu, jenuh  juga.

“Abang, nyanyi lagu utk Aina. Lama tak dengar.”

“Alahai yang oii, mintaklah benda lain. Abg tak pandai nyanyilah.” Ketika itu keluargaku masih bersantai di ruang tamu.

“Alah bang, please….abang sayang Aina kan.”

“Ye…abang sayang sangat Aina. Kalau Aina sayang abang, jgn suruh abg nyanyi ok.”

Alamatya..pasti aku digelakkan jika menunaikan permintaan Aina, terutama sekali oleh adik bongsuku yang kuat menyakat.

“Tak nak sudahlah. Aina dah tak nak paksa. Tapi kalau esok Aina mati, mati kempunanlah Aina.”

“Don’t worry kita mati sama-sama.” Balasku dgn harapan Aina tidak akan mengungkit perkara ini lagi.

Aina…Aina….Aina Sophea. Kalau dulu matanya yang sering menitiskan jernihan putih tapi kini giliran aku pula yang menyimpan sendu di kelopak mata. Aku harus tabah. Aku harus meyakinkan Aina yang cita-cita kami tidak akan terkubur.

Walau hakikatnya aku tahu ianya semakin samara. Aku takut sekali dia akan pergi meninggalkan aku. Tidak! Aina jangan tinggalkan abg. Sayang abg akan terus hidup. Permata abg akan terus berkilau. Aina tidak boleh tinggalkan abg begitu saja. Aina ingat lagi tak janji kita?.

Kita akan ada anak-anak yang comel, seperti ibunya. Abg akan bawa Aina ke mana sahaja yang Aina mahu. Biar ke hujung dunia sekali pun. Abg janji tak  akan mengusik Aina lagi. Abg tak mahu lukakan hati Aina lagi. Cuma berikan abg peluang itu.

PAGI itu aku menerima panggilan kecemasan dari pihak hospital. Keadaan Aina semakin parah. Badannya sudah tidak mampu menhan barah yang menusuk ke dalam tulangnya. Aina mengidap penyakit yang merbahaya dan saat itu dia dalam keadaan kritikal.

“Abang..” Bisiknya lemah

“Abang sayang Aina tak?” Ada airmata yang mula bertakung.

“Ya Aina..Aina tahukan betapa abg sayangkan Aina.”
“Abang..nanti bawa Aina jalan-jalan macam dulu. Aina nakmakan kandi. Lama dah tak makan. "

“Sayang, kalau dah sihat annti apa aje yang Aina nak, abang akan tunaikan.”

“Abang, Aina nak dengar lagu untuk Aina, boleh tak?” Suaranya semakin sayu dan perlahan.

Tak sanggup aku hampakan permintaannya kali ini. Permintaan yang ku pasti permintaan terakhir yang mampu aku berikan. Jika ini  boleh mengembalikan Aina kepadaku, aku sanggup nyanyikan lagu ini walau di tengah khalayak ramai. Walau berulang kali, aku sanggup. Aku sanggup lakukan apa sahaja asalkan Aina kembali pulih. Jika diminta badanku diganti dgn badan Aina pun aku rela. Yang penting Aina sihat.

“Boleh sayang…..apa saja yang Aina minta.”

Tiada kata selain syukur
Tiada nikmat selain kehadiranmu
Anugerah paling berharga
Untuk seorang aku
Tiada cahaya selain senyummu
Tiada ungkapan selain namamu
Saat paling indah…Kau berikan Aina Sophea
Benarkan aku menganyam impianmu
Izinku aku menyemai bahagiamu
Mengukir harapan

TIDAK sempat aku habiskan nyanyian ini. Aku sendiri terpaksa menahan sendu. Dan bila aku terpaksa menerima kenyataan yang cita-cita kami turut terkubur bersama Aina, peritnya kurasakan.

Dia yang tidak pernah tahu kecuranganku. Terlalu suci hatinya. Ketika itu terbayang senyumannya, ketawanya, terdengar rengekannya. Aina Sophea telah pergi menemui kehidupan  yang  lebih adil daripada aku pernah berikan. Mulai hari-hari seterusnya tidak mungkin aku dengari suara manjanya…

“Abang, nyanyi lagu untuk Aina…”

Bila dah nekad terhadap sesuatu keputusan, jangan sesekali titiskan air mata.